Snobs vs. Geeks

My wife and I spent a rather enjoyable evening together. We decided to go out for a burger and a beer. We ended up at Granite City, for they have equally, good burgers along with good crafted beer. I thoroughly enjoy a good microbrewed bock or IPA. So I happen to be blogging under the influence of some fine adult libation. Now, we also enjoy good wine, though we hardly spend the money on such. But when we do, there are a few we've had that make your taste buds dance, and turn one's countenance upward. Please keep in mind, I'm no expert when it comes to wine or beer. I just know what I like, and I'm not afraid to try anything once. But when I happen to find myself in the company of those who know wine (or at least know more than myself), I feel a little inadequate. It's as if I'm being told subliminally that I'm not qualified to drink this lovely beverage. So many wine connoiseurs live up to the stereotype of being snobs. On the flip side, you have the beer geeks. This crowd seems to be a little more accepting of my ignorance. I don't feel the need to withdraw because I have a question, but am too terrified to ask. Ask away, and chances are, you're going to end up with a free drink. And maybe a second, just so you understand exactly what you're tasting:) Regardless of your poison, whether you have a sophisticated palette, or just a taste for something carbonated, you should wake up with the exact same headache. The hangover doesn't care whether you're a wine drinker or a beer drinker, just as long as you worked your liver over, and woke up next to the cold porcelain pillow you are hugging.

Magna Cum Laude

It means in Latin, 'With great honor'. I have a friend, who shall remain nameless, who happens to be fluent in Latin. I just can't help but wonder why? Regardless, he's probably the smartest person I know. When you meet an intelligent person, they're usually a lot like Albert Einstein. Freakishly smart, but can't figure out the zipper on their pants. This guy seems to have struck a balance. He CAN tie his shoes, and yes, they are on the correct feet. He can condescend to your level, and carry on somewhat of a lengthy conversation on just about any topic. But there is a price to pay for being that intelligent. He does have a few phobias? that manifest themselves, the longer you get to know him. He doesn't like to draw attention to himself, until you hear him speak. Then he has an audience. He's somewhat phobic of crowds. I don't know if it's because of the amount of people in a given place, or the fact that we all carry our own suitcase full of germs. He likes good food and wine, but then he'll go indulge on a stack of pancakes at Louie M's. He usually feels so guilty about it afterwards, he doubles up his workout at the gym later the same day. Any rate, he's a very nice person, and probably one of the most interesting people you would ever meet. Occasionally I drop him an email, or send him something interesting involving food or wine, and he'll respond with a Latin phrase at the end. It's very frustrating, because I don't know Latin, yet I want to find out what he's said. I need to know whether he's insulted me or complimented me. He knows it's a mind control thing. If he sends me a Latin message, he 's manipulated me into looking it up. I'm like a mouse attracted to the cheese in the trap. I can't help myself, and he's got me. I feel the need to verbally punch him when he does this. The last phrase he sent was a Clint Eastwood quote, "Go ahead, make my day". I've been looking at Latin phrases to respond. So far, my favorite, "I didn't know you could do that with your hair". It's perfect, since he's completely bald. But, if I respond, then I've taken the 'cheese', and he's going to hammer me. I'm glad it's all in jest. He has the type of mind and personality to pull off a prank, or practical joke, that would be unmatched. There's no possible way to top it. Better to leave well enough alone, and just stick to matching wits with my seven year old. As least she lets me win once in awhile.

Left Unattended

It's always a tense moment when walking thru Walmart or some other place open to the general public, and have children running, screaming, wandering, or hiding from adults, and there is no supervision. Before you know it, a child, who happens to be someone else's, is either trying to get into your cart, or hold your hand while crying, "I want my mommy"! I guess the parents feel these places are an opportunity for free babysitting. They may reason, "There's dozens of adults in here to watch my sister's boyfriend's ex girlfriend's six children. Have you seen the people who frequent Walmart? Have you been to the People of Walmart site? Hilarious, scary, disturbing, and confusing all rolled into one! So this weekend, my children are being dropped off at Walmart. Just kidding! Actually, thing 1 is going to Rockford,IL with a friend of ours who married a nice chap from that area, and are in the process of moving back to Omaha. She is already working here, and driving back and forth every weekend. So my oldest will be gone from Thursday evening to Sunday evening. Thing 2 is leaving this morning with her best buddy, to North Platte, to visit their relatives. So my youngest will be absent from Thursday morning to Sunday afternoon. This leaves my wife and I unattended ALL weekend, to do whatever we please:) I have no idea what's in store. The shock of the situation hasn't set in yet. I'm a bit on the nervous side. Do you realize how long its been since I've been alone with a woman? My palms are sweating just blogging about it. The pressure is on to impress this girl, without the presence of children, to show her I'm not the lump on the couch that occasionally raises his voice to correct wrongdoing on behalf of the offspring or canine. I'm definitely going to have to bring my 'A' game. I may throw out the disclaimer that I've been carrying baggage since the 1900's, when some extra members of the family decided to be born, so be patient and gentle, I'm a little rusty in the 'impress the girl' department. I'm trying to come up with a place to take her out. Someplace exciting and maybe a little adventurous. Walmart to go people watching perhaps?

Jingles

I was a little disappointed this evening when a commercial came on for the candy bars, Mounds and Almond Joy. I was expecting to break into song at any moment, and the catchy jingle I grew up with never played. Momentarily, I was feeling like a nut. When there was no music, not only did I not feel like a nut, but I was a bit saddened. Those jingles we grew up with were the only thing that made the commercial halfway appealing. Commercials today annoy the hell out of me. Some are funny, but most seem to be yelling at me. If my TV show has to be interrupted, at least give me a fun tune to sing along. I would love to sing about my Slinky, hum along and offer the world a Coke, break out in song and encourage you to become a Pepper too, and for the grand finale, name my bologna, Oscar Meyer, in a mini Broadway musical. I'm sure the people producing commercials these days are probably my age. When did my generation lose the sense of chorus, and decide to crap out lame commercials? If you want your product to become a household name, create a jingle, and the world will sing about your product while standing in the checkout. Maybe I'm just getting old, but consumer products in a down economy could use a little cheering up. Lets join our voices, and sing them a short, but fun, musical jingle.

Sensitivity

"You insensitive bastard! Do you have any idea how much that stings"? That was a great line from the movie Men In Black. Very recently, its been brought to my attention, that I too am somewhat of an insensitive bastard. Up until now, it hadn't really dawned on me, but, given the facts, I think I'd have to agree. While driving home last night, a Motley Crue song came on the radio. I'm not a huge Crue fan, but this song amuses me, and I have to turn it up and sing along. The title is 'Don't Go Away Mad', and the chorus says, "Girl, don't go away mad, just go away". My loving wife pointed out this character flaw? during my karaoke performance. She said, "You never get upset when you make me mad. You just go about your business like nothing happened". "In fact, all the girls you've dated, you just made them mad and moved on". What she said made perfect sense. I refuse to fight over, what appears to me, to be petty differences. I may say or do something, and feel completely justified in my action, and not wait around for a backlash. I've said my piece, I'm in the right, see ya when the anger level subsides. Very selfish on my part to not let the second party (namely my wife), express their concerns and disdain for what I've just put them through. I'm not totally insensitive to my wife and her feelings. If someone other than myself, makes her feel bad or angry, that upsets me to the point where I may need to say something. For the most part, I'm pretty thick skinned. You can flat out say something rude or insensitive to my face, and I think to myself, "Glad I don't share a closet with this person", and then resume what I was doing to set them off in the first place. I will admit, I can be a great source of irritation when I need to. The first step to correcting my problem, is admitting I have a problem. Step #1 accomplished. Step two would require accepting help. The problem with step #2 is, I prefer to act alone in my course of insensitivity. I don't think I need help in making folks upset with me. This is something I've done for years, I'm pretty darn good at it. I believe my training started when I was young. My mother could anger multiple family members by just walking into a room. My grandmother taught me the insensitive side. Say something mean, and if you're called on it, cry some crocodile tears. Instead of the tears, I just walk away without any chance for recourse. John Mellencamp put it nicely, when he sang, "I need a lover who won't drive me crazy. One who knows the meaning of 'Hey hit that highway'".

UFO

They weren't necessarily flying, but definitely unidentified, at least since November. The two objects I saw were extremely white, and would have made the night sky glow if it hadn't have been 5:30 PM, on Dodge Street yesterday. Accompanied by a dog, I saw my first person of the new decade wearing shorts. In Arizona, such a person would be locked up in a mental institution until it reached 75 degrees. Yesterday was still a bit on the chilly side for me, but I do appreciate that woman's optimism. This weekend, with the threat of 50 degree weather, could bring the Unidentified Femur Objects back to planet earth - Omaha in particular. I plan on digging thru the closet to find a pair of shorts, not only to display my optimism, but maybe to encourage spring to visit more often. When I display my platinum white stick legs to the world, sun glasses might not be strong enough. The flash and arc may require a welding mask. It could be a similar affect as when the nuclear bomb was tested in New Mexico. I just keep telling myself, when August rolls around, and the heat index says 110, I just need to think about how much snow dumped on us, and all the problems it created this winter, and I'll try not to complain. But living in Nebraska, year after year, I think a Nebraskan earns the right to vent about the weather once in awhile. I just hope I remember how to put shorts on. May be there's internet instructions I can download.

Well Why Not!

I walked in on a rather amusing conversation yesterday between my children. Now keep in mind, my oldest daughter has always lived in the here and now. She's had a firm grasp on reality at an extremely early age. In fact, at the age of four, she once told her grandfather, who happens to be a diehard Yankees fan, to stop yelling at the TV, they can't hear you. Daughter number two has not quite reached that level of reasoning yet. In fact, it's almost as if she's refusing to accept it. When you hear the things that are uttered from her mouth, you realize the little girl that's still frolicking around inside of her cranium. So yesterday's conversation had something to do with ponies not being able to drive cars. The seven year old asks the fifteen year old, "It's because they don't have 'attachable' thumbs, right"? Of course, we got a chuckle out of this, and my oldest, being the family editor, corrected the wrong vocabulary, by telling her, the word is ' opposable'. After thinking awhile, maybe 'attachable' thumbs are not the correct term, but could be a solution to the problem, if somebody were to invent such a thing. Maybe ponies could drive if they were equipped with 'attachable' thumbs. Maybe a lot of species could do more motor function with a little bionic help. Then it dawned on me. Even with the aid of an 'opposable, attachable' thumb, ponies have hooves, not hands! A thumb is of no value if you're missing the other four digits, duh. Sometimes seven year old children can be so silly, thinking up such preposterous ideas. Besides, if I equipped my dog with such a devise, he would then just open the refrigerator door, and help himself, rather than waiting for something to drop on the floor, or try to sneak something off the table. But, he could let himself in and out when he has to go. I guess there's an upside and downside to everything.