Where Did My Pen Go?

We have a theory at our house, and maybe this is the case at yours also. We seem to lose pens and pencils at an alarming rate. We think lost pens turn into wire coat hangers, and end up in our closets. Truth be told, I believe my children are the culprits of the mysterious vanishing pens. Of course if you ask them, they're going to deny it and refuse to answer anymore questions without their lawyer present. I've informed my wife not to buy expensive pens, because if we have literary rodents that steal them, we don't want to be out a lot of money. Some other items that seem to walk off of my desk from time to time, are the scotch tape holder and stapler. Sticky note pads are like an irresistible bait for desk thieves. My youngest thinks it's fun to grab a pad of stickies and write a number on each page until she either runs out of paper, or she has counted as far as her limited education has taken her. Every once in awhile, I have to go shake the kids down, and retrieve my desk belongings, and threaten them with solitary confinement. This is probably the one instance where the dog is actually innocent. Unless, of course, he was an accomplice, such as a lookout or the driver of the getaway car. Chances are, the lovable children under my watch, acted alone. I think they know better than to take my architect's ruler. I want that at my disposal the very moment I'm looking for it. If it's not there, or where I believe it should be, heads will roll! I've thought about video surveillance, but I'm sure that would end up in a bedroom, filming an amateur singing video, or endless tape of the dog sleeping or licking himself. I may have to resort to electric cattle fence or barbed wire!