Cookie Cutter

Let me first say, "I am sick, but I DO NOT have the H1N1! I did eat bacon today though. On to the real subject. I recently went on a quick shopping spree with my wife. Work was a little sparse, there was no football on at 10 AM, Friday morning, I wasn't hungover or anything like that, so really no excuse to 'not' go. She was interested in finding a pair of black boots for winter, and we were out of dog food. If the dog were solid black, I could have just made her a pair. So off to DSW, since her boots had to be solid black. I like DSW, especially the clearance items. The problem with shopping for clothes or shoes for myself is, I must have the most common size on earth. From my shirt to my shoes, I NEVER find anything on sale. I've been to Marshall's and TJ Maxx a few times, and not only are they out of sale items my size, but their full price rack has only two items my size, and mentally disturbed escapees from the insane asylum wouldn't be caught dead in these fashions. Today we happened to wander into the Gap store. Once again, sale items in Kevin's size - non existent. Full price merchandise - two. There are times I wish I had a huge back porch, just so I could buy something cool on sale. Or my feet were the size of children's feet, just to be able to wear the latest footwear, yet at a discounted price. I suppose if I were twice as big as I am now, was able to find the 'deal of the century' on a pair of wicked cool jeans, folks would point me out of a crowd just to criticize how much denim had to be killed in order to clad my fanny in jeans. I suppose if I were willing to spend more for my clothing, I might be able to be more selective, and actually have a choice. Another reason for my lack of 'landing the good buy', is the fact I go shopping about once or twice a year. If I were more in touch with my feminine side, I would shop more often and maybe I would have a halfway decent wardrobe that possibly didn't clash, and hurt your teeth to look at. Honestly, this isn't a huge concern for me, being the 'fashionista' that I am. Of course my wardrobe is on the cutting edge..... of homelessness. I just feel sorry for my family when they have to be seen in public with me. I tell them to explain to people that I'm just out for the weekends with adult supervision. Everyone seems to understand.