In A Hurry?

So last weekend, I needed a few things at the grocery store, for a get together. As usual, I try to squeeze the most minutes out of my day. So I thought I would pop in to a grocery store on my way home - one I don't usually shop at. Stupid, stupid, stupid idea! First of all, I'm not sure where everything is located, so I have to spend extra time searching the aisles. Second of all, it's a Saturday, which brings out every non - English speaking person, AND their twelve relatives in tow, plus every old person at the wheel of a motorized cart. It's like a demolition derby, south of the border! Simply put - CHAOS! So I quickly maneuver the aisles with speed and precision, dodging motorized carts trying to take my knees out, and leaping over crying, snot - nosed kids, laying in the middle of the aisle, acting as human speed bumps for the motorized retired NASCAR racers. I've procured my four items, now time to plan a strategy for the checkout and exit. Squeeze between the big butted person bending over to pick up the screaming, dirt faced, toddler, and the old guy in coveralls, who wreaks of cigarette smoke, and kitty litter, dodge another cart that just ran into a display of Captain Crunch, juke the guy who looks like he's in as big a hurry as I am, and jump into the 'Express Lane', where only individuals with twelve items or less, are allowed. Then it comes to a screeching halt! The two women at the front of the checkout, have a whole basket of groceries, enough items to occupy three 'Express Lanes'. They must have misunderstood the sign, and messed up on their addition. If you can only count to twelve, then you have to start over, which means you have twelve items, twelve items, and eight items. That apparently qualifies you for the 'Express Lane'. But wait, they almost forgot the coupons! And to slow the whole process down, the older one (the one without the dentures), is doing all the communicating with the checker, which means the checker is only understanding 25% of what's being spoken. Top that off with a checker who's obviously 'less than thrilled' to be there, and you now have the slowest checkout line in the store. In fact, the line next to us shoved three individuals, with fully laden carts through, in the same amount of time it took to get the 'dream team' of two women through. Instead of saving precious seconds, it probably cost me fifteen minutes. And of course, Murphy's Law dictates that since I had to use the bathroom in addition to being in a time crunch, this was surely to occur. Lesson learned? Probably not. One positive thing that came out of this excursion - I got caught up on all my super market tabloids:)