Mary Mary Quite Contrary

Boy, Mary has nothing on me this year! Since this spring has been so mild, everything in the garden is doing wonderful. So far, I think everything we've planted seems to be coming up and doing rather well. Tomatoes are over a foot high, peppers are at least 6" high, lettuce, radishes, onions, are all thriving. I even bought some ferns through a mail order catalog, which can sometimes be disappointing, and they're taking off! This has to be one of the most even keeled springs we've had in a long time. I know I just jinxed it, and it's going to shoot to 90 degrees overnight, and the clouds are going to start twirling. But I just love the color green this time of the year. I don't even mind mowing the lawn. Mind you, I'm usually sneezing the whole time I'm out there, but I'd rather be there than behind the computer screen. The rain this year has also been very cooperative. Seems like when it's about time to turn on the sprinkler, the forecast says," rain tomorrow", and it does just that. Plus, they haven't been flash flood rains. Just gentle, even, timed just right, million dollar rains (if you ask a farmer). I could deal with this all year long, but, this season seems to be way too short. Before you know it, it's blazing hot and humid, and everything green needs a drink on a daily basis. I've come to appreciate spring much more, the older I get. I'm sick of winter 3 weeks into it. I just want something green to look at. Maybe I could get some grass stains on my pants and hide them from my wife, so she doesn't wash them:)

Greenhorn

OK, here we go. What I consider my first official RANT! My job is not really that crucial. I don't save lives, run governments, or control the economic structure of the world. But I feel I'm pretty good at what I do and I've been doing the same thing for 25 years now. Might not make me an expert, but I feel more qualified than most. Well, we did our job to the best of our ability (which is pretty darn spectacular I might add), and we had somebody who was given a certain amount of authority, make a judgment call concerning our job. Prior to starting the job, I discussed it with the person I work with (who has another 11 years experience) on how to approach it. We came to a conclusion and proceeded from start to finish. Two other people were also notified of our plan of action, and reasoned that our plan was the best way possible. When this young "professional" was informed of our decision, he had to see it for himself and critique what was done. Since he gets to wear the big boy pants, he decided we need to change a critical part of the design. So, let's throw experience, reason, aesthetics, and the majority approval out the window and do it my way, says the team of one. Now we have to undo a perfectly good, acceptable job, and redo it the WRONG way. Here's what's going to be funny. When the client sees it for the first time, they're going to ask why the design isn't balanced? We'll have to tell them the boss didn't want it that way:) Funny thing is, we're being paid for the first time, we're going to be compensated for the "new and improved" way, and I am guessing we'll be paid to change it back to the correct way. I really shouldn't complain. It's jackasses like him that make the rest of us look good and keep us in business. (So mad I almost spilled my beer).

Freedom of Expression

The first amendment to the Bill of Rights says, I have freedom of expression. That's a great thing but, I personally think it comes with great responsibility. I can't just spout off without there being consequences. I have to be careful what I say and write because my purpose has nothing to do with controversial subjects. This is not my political platform. On the other hand, I love it when children are learning to talk and express themselves, formulate their own thoughts and produce sentences that are grammatically incorrect and amusing. It's funny also, when they make up their own vocabulary and expect you to understand. They know the thought they're trying to convey, why aren't YOU getting it?! An amusing thing my daughter used to say was the homemade word, "lasternight". She morphed "last night" and "yesterday" together, thus the word, "lasternight". A friend of mine was telling me a story about his son. They had gone to his mother's house one Sunday morning for a pancake breakfast. They arrived to find grandma in the kitchen with her "cooking bra" on, making pancakes. "Cooking bra" is the technical term among 4 year olds, for the word "apron". What's even more fun, is to take these innocent and endearing phrases and put them to music. This is somewhat difficult because adult singer/songwriters have to make the jump backwards in age to accomplish this. One such artist you may have heard of is, Dan Zane. Check out his music even if you don't have kids. It's fun and catchy. Kookookachu for now.http://www.danzanes.com/pages/news.php

Andy Rooney

My wife tells me this blog that I've started, is very Andy Rooneyish. I think I'm flattered? Actually, I aspire to be so recognizable, either by my writing style or in appearance. He's been such a mainstay for so many years, he's iconic. The similarities I see are first, the way he and I look at and perceive things. I'm not a comedian by any stretch, but I have fun asking the questions that aren't obvious, yet should be obvious. I enjoy taking a statement and turning it into a run on sentence that makes no sense, but if thought about long enough, makes perfect sense. And I do enjoy a clever or profound saying and elaborating on it. I pretty much take what's already been done or said, and do it again, but with more words. Some of the differences between Andy and I are really like comparing fraternal twins as opposed to identical twins. I'm old, he's older. I'm a blogger for several days now, he's a TV and radio personality for several years. He has got a college degree in journalism, I know how to spell "journalism". He makes lots of money, I like the color red. See we're a lot alike:) Now, I just need a major TV station to offer me a job (other than janitorial) to launch my career. You know, I would even consider something like QVC. Imagine the fun I could have with that! 

How Do They Do That?

Watched some of the NBA playoffs last night. I'm not a huge NBA fan, but I think I'm having football withdrawals. But, I must admit, those guys are some amazing athletes! To see a guy 6' 8" move, juke, float through the air among others giants of the hardwood, and still be able to score points is awesome. Somehow these guys defy gravity. When they make a move to the hoop and slam it, they are so far away on their takeoff  that it would still be a 12 foot jump shot for me. And how does a guy that tall remain so coordinated? Even his head band matches. The speed is incredible. Seems like 5 strides and they're down the court. It takes me the whole month of March to sprint that far. The 2 tallest people I know happen to be 6'7" and 6'8". I mean no disrespect to either of these guys if they happen to read this at some time, but they're slow! They make me look as if I'm the Greek god of thunder, lightning, & basketball. I'm not sure if either one can even dunk a basketball! Maybe at some time in their life they could, but now? I think I may know some of the NBAers' secrets though. Obviously a new pair of tennis shoes will increase your speed, jumping ability, and your patented behind the back, over the shoulder, under your shirt move. The big secret is tattoos. The more body art, the bigger the distraction. You ever tried to get close enough to a car in traffic to read a bumper sticker? Same concept. Other guys are just trying to see what that tattoo said instead of playing defense, which, in turn gives the guy with the ball the opportunity to showboat. I think there should be a rule against performance enhancing body art:)

Puzzles

Have you ever played sudoku? It's the Japanese numbers game where you fill in the boxes and no 2 numbers can be in the same grid of boxes or in line with each other. That game is an addiction! Like crack, but with mustard on it! I know some of you out there don't see the big deal, but once you finish your first one, it's a personal challenge to not be conquered by the numbers. It involves logic and elimination. It makes you think completely different than say a crossword puzzle, which, I happen to enjoy also. They say you need to keep exercising your brain just as you would a muscle, which may or may not help prevent senility. There are times though, that senility would be a good excuse:) I thought about writing this blog in code for you all to decipher and get your puzzle solving tools working, but you would probably think I was really on crack with mustard or senile. Or some government, undercover, terrorist fighting, code breaking, supercomputer mind, would decipher it wrong, and next thing you know I have a free room with a view at Gitmo and a cell mate who views sudoku as something vile to his religion! (Yeah, sometimes I'm not politically correct). Well, I think it might be time to go get my cerebral metabolism going. "Got my penceeel. Hey, gimme somethin' to write on man!"

Happy Hour

Our first official "Happy Hour" kicked off last night. It was a bit cold, but we built a fire, turned on the patio heater, donned sweatshirts and blankets, and had a good time. Had some excellent finger food. It helps when you invite people who like to cook, and tell them to bring an appetizer. Along with food, another person brought homemade beer. It was extremely tasty. My 6 year old said something last night that is still ringing in my head. I may have to get a neon sign made, and this is going to be our requisite for "Happy Hour". She said, "Since this is happy hour, we shouldn't talk about sad things". I'm so proud of her, and her ability to reason this on her own makes me resolve that she's my kid. This was exactly my goal, I just couldn't put it in simpler words. Well done! Here's to my daughter!