How Do They Do That?

Watched some of the NBA playoffs last night. I'm not a huge NBA fan, but I think I'm having football withdrawals. But, I must admit, those guys are some amazing athletes! To see a guy 6' 8" move, juke, float through the air among others giants of the hardwood, and still be able to score points is awesome. Somehow these guys defy gravity. When they make a move to the hoop and slam it, they are so far away on their takeoff  that it would still be a 12 foot jump shot for me. And how does a guy that tall remain so coordinated? Even his head band matches. The speed is incredible. Seems like 5 strides and they're down the court. It takes me the whole month of March to sprint that far. The 2 tallest people I know happen to be 6'7" and 6'8". I mean no disrespect to either of these guys if they happen to read this at some time, but they're slow! They make me look as if I'm the Greek god of thunder, lightning, & basketball. I'm not sure if either one can even dunk a basketball! Maybe at some time in their life they could, but now? I think I may know some of the NBAers' secrets though. Obviously a new pair of tennis shoes will increase your speed, jumping ability, and your patented behind the back, over the shoulder, under your shirt move. The big secret is tattoos. The more body art, the bigger the distraction. You ever tried to get close enough to a car in traffic to read a bumper sticker? Same concept. Other guys are just trying to see what that tattoo said instead of playing defense, which, in turn gives the guy with the ball the opportunity to showboat. I think there should be a rule against performance enhancing body art:)