Swiss Cheese

I learned something new today. My family took a field trip to a cheese making farm this morning. I had a good idea how cheese was made, but my wife, who is somewhat of a cheese nerd (not curd), explained the process a little clearer for me, since she has actually made her own cheese. I know, some women like getting their nails done, my wife makes gorgonzola. Regardless, it's an interesting process. One can't help but wonder, who figured out the chemistry to make it all happen? One of life's little mysteries that has always perplexed me, is how does Swiss cheese get those holes in it? Virtually all cheese is made with the same steps to get the desired curds. Then the cheese is left to age or cure, and during this time is when it develops its taste. Bacteria and mold do most of the flavoring. Swiss cheese has an additional bacteria added, which produces a gas that gets trapped within the cheese during the aging process. While other cheeses are sitting nicely behaving themselves, Swiss cheese is partying it up and passing gas! In other words, if cheese were people, the Swiss are going to be the rowdy bunch you want to party with, but hope you're in another location the following morning. All in all, cheese sure is delectable, and the varieties seem endless. Well, off to separate my curds from my whey, and then chase it with a hoppy wheat liquid. Just imagine that fermentation!

Help Me I'm Falling

I know everyone has probably had this happen at one time or another. You crawl in bed, thoroughly exhausted, dose off, and are suddenly awakened by the sensation that you're falling. This has to be one of the most startling feelings, and when I realize I'm OK, it angers me because I was awaken. This action of feeling as if you're falling during sleep, is called a hypnic jerk. There is no scientific answer as to why this occurs, but there are a couple of theories that seem to make sense. When you have dosed off, there is a time where your brain is still somewhat conscious of your surroundings. During this time, a noise or a touch can awaken you because your mind is still working on overtime, while the rest of your body has had a bedtime story and is on its way to sleepy time. At this moment, your heart rate slows, your body temperature drops, and your muscles relax. Then the brain kicks in, and tells your body that you're losing control, you better get off your @$$ and catch yourself! Thus the jerking motion that wakes you, and your spouse up. Now, not only am I mad for waking myself up, but she's mad for waking her up too. I wonder if this explanation at the time of me disturbing her sleep would make sense and diffuse the situation? But honey, It's not my fault, it's... my body and brain's fault. Yeah, that should help. I'm just glad I'm not one of those people with unlimited amounts of energy, like they've eaten the Energizer Bunny for breakfast. I could just see my brain telling my body to 'drop and give me fifty'.

Eat Your Heart Out

In case you didn't know, I'm married to a supermodel. I may be delusional, but I prefer it that way. Why does a pig play in the mud? He likes it! My wife came home the other day, with a rather amusing occurrence. She was at a used book store where a gentleman happened to take note of her eye catching beauty. He kept finding himself in the same aisle as she was before he finally burst with overwhelming adoration, and had to speak to her. He had to tell her how beautiful she was, and asked if she were married. Happy to say, she did not leave me for the total stranger, possible serial rapist. She informed the man of her marital status plus, the extra baggage that comes along with being married to me. He still wasn't convinced she was shooting him down like a SCUD missile, and had to get in one last compliment before going down in flames. I am surprised I have somehow attracted someone of the opposite sex, and miraculously convinced her to spend the rest of her natural life with me. Love is truly blind, but it must be somewhat deaf and dumb too. Of course, my wife has nothing to fear when it comes to women hitting on me. I am quickly approaching the age where 'age' is a huge factor. Unless they happen to be looking for a 'sugar daddy', which, my financial state would qualify me as just 'daddy' without all the calories. If I've ever been 'hit on' by a woman, I wasn't aware of it. Any subtle hints, less than disrobing in front of me, I'm not very in tune to. I usually attract dogs wanting to hump my leg, and gay men wanting to hump my leg. I don't care to swing that direction. So ALL the men out there looking at my wife, you have one admirable quality: good taste in women. This one has been off the department store shelf for awhile now, so, I feel your pain, but time to go find a doll of your own to play with.

Procrastinator

Hey, I resemble that remark! Yes, I'm a horrible procrastinator. I'm supposed to be working on an estimate due tomorrow, and I've had the blueprint all week. For some reason, I think I work better under pressure. The only reason there's a time constraint is because I've created one for myself. I waste all this time beforehand, and put my nose to the grindstone at the last possible minute. I've tried it the other way, jump on it right away, and then waste a bunch of time afterwards, and I feel like I don't know what to do with all this 'extra' time. And if I'm wasting time just floundering for something to do, I feel unproductive. When I waste time ahead of a deadline, I've usually found some distraction to occupy time, and then I don't feel so bad, because I've been engaged in something that obviously interested me. It may not have been productive, but I've indulged a selfish curiosity, and in my feeble mind, that seems plausible. For instance, sitting at a computer, typing a blog of all things, just to amuse myself, is not only a waste of time, but completely unproductive and irresponsible, when there is work to do and projects to finish. Unfortunately, my conscience doesn't gnaw at me enough to change my habitual procrastination. Maybe I need a coach to prod me in the manner in which I should utilize time. Is there such a personal life, time control, trainer? Even if I could afford something as frivolous as that, I would probably frustrate the individual trying to maximize my productivity, and minimize my time wasted. Apparently, I've been told I have a mind of my own (that's the kind way to say, "pigheaded"), and refuse to do something I've been told to do, or else. If I'm asked, no problem. If I'm strong armed, there's going to be a delay. Looking on the bright side, when I'm finally in the correct mindset, and my brain engages my hand, I stick with it until I'm finished. I don't like loose ends, they waste my time:) I should probably wrap this up and get to the task at hand. But first, a cookie.

A Helping Hand

Went over to a friend's house this evening to help him with some tile. I didn't get paid and didn't expect to, either. I know, some are thinking: Why doesn't he come to my house and work for free? First of all, if I worked for free for everybody who wanted me to work for free, I'd have to go get a full time job to support my 'work for free' habit. So now you're probably thinking: Yeah, so. Second of all, I don't like work THAT much. I do enjoy the thought of work, and having a job, but once I get there, that sometimes changes. The main reason I went to this friend's house is, he just had surgery on his index finger, related to an accident he had earlier in the year involving several fingers. He's never one to ask for help, so his kids asked for him. Since he's a nice person, and has been a friend of my wife's family for years, I was happy to oblige. I was there for approximately 3 1/2 hours, which an hour of that was setting up my tools and eating supper with them. So roughly two hours of work (the easiest job I've had in some time), turned out nice, and I don't even have to finish it. Their son is going to come grout the tile I laid. They seemed rather happy with the outcome because the praise was constant, almost to the point of me thinking they weren't really sincere. But they were. Of course, being paid for performing your trade and producing something handmade is usually fulfilling. But when you can do something for somebody who has had a rough go of it lately, or for someone who can't afford it, but deserves it, when they express a sincere 'thanks', that's more rewarding than payment. It is surprising how good it feels to give. Chances are, it will come back to reward you someday:)

Smoke Em If You Got Em!

As you all know, I'm a big fan of meat in a tube. In general, I'm just a big fan of meat - a carnivore at heart. Oh, I like vegetarians too. They taste good. About the only thing I can't stomach is liver. I've tried since I was a youngster, and I have this problem of involuntarily ejecting it from my body. So, I'll leave that little delicacy to other carnies who cherish the organ. But lately, my new hobby has been sausage making. Keep in mind, I'm still a novice, but my first attempt at Italian sausage has been a smashing success. I've tried another recipe for an Italian lunch meat, known as mortadella. It too was rather tasty, but I need to work on the texture and consistency. There is a guy I work with, from the Czech Republic, and he has enjoyed smoked sausage from an early age, since they smoked their own meats. So I have been talking, and planning, and designing, a smokehouse. I may have the means soon to fulfill this recent dream. Between him and I, I think we've come up with a good design. I can almost smell the aroma as I type. I not only want to smoke sausage, but also brisket, chicken, fish, a turkey would be the 'bomb'! You can even smoke veggies. Smoked chile peppers are known as "chipotle". I saw on TV, you can open a can of plain old baked beans, put them in the smoker, and viola! An added dimension to your potential flatulents! To get this project underway, I'm going to pick up an old wood burning stove this weekend. So my whole design is going to be built around this stove. I hope it works, for you all shall reap the benefits! I have a feeling, when this is completely up and running, or rather, smoking, I'm going to finally be the 'popular' kid on the block.

Idiosyncrasies

Everything man builds is in a constant state of deterioration from the day he finishes. Sometimes we let things run their course, and start fresh with a new idea, when the older version has finally pooped out. Many times we try to preserve what has been built, because of the value and beauty of the object. And I'm talking about EVERYTHING we manufacture, construct, fabricate, etc. etc. For instance, the t-shirt I'm wearing at this very moment, was new at one time, now it's used with a small hole in it. I'm going to continue to wear it until it has run its life course, then properly dispose of it. Now such an object as the painting of Mona Lisa, or the Coliseum in Rome, those creations have been deemed worth preserving, because of the value, beauty, and historical significance. Still, without proper constant care, these items would eventually turn to dust. Fortunately, we have individuals who care enough, and are talented enough, to restore valuables to their original state, or, at least, preserve it in its current state. Now there is absolutely no object in my house (except my house itself) that is worth the kind of money, to attempt to preserve its life. That's why I've been labeled a 'consumer'. I eat things up and dispose of them at a later date. Keep in mind though, I'm not made of money. So the items I purchase, I attempt to fix them to prolong their life expectancy, proving I'm somewhat of a tightwad. Usually when I 'fix' something, it has a tendency to work, just not quite as good as it was when purchased new. So my family and I accept the fact that our item works, just not as good as the commercial on TV. We put up with the little idiosyncrasies, in an attempt to eek out a couple of more hours of use, before we have to say 'goodbye'. For instance, we had to purchase a new toilet last year. We make every effort to live as 'green' a life as possible, so we bought a low water consumption toilet. It's quite fascinating how it actually works... BUT, the little float has a tendency to stick, so the water will continually run, using more water than our old toilet. I've attempted to adjust this float, and it'll work properly for about a day, then back to its old tricks. All it needs is a little vibration to make it work properly. So our brilliant ingenuity has come up with a 'cost free' solution. If you stomp your foot on the floor, in front of the toilet, it will immediately stop running. There, fixed! My wife's car is another quirky little piece of machinery. She has electric door locks that lock automatically, when the car reaches about 5 mph, the door knobs click, and the doors are locked. The driver's door though, seems to have a mind of its own. It may, or may not lock when the rest do, or, it may decide to lock when you turn a corner, or while increasing speed on the onramp to the interstate, or while pulling into the driveway, home from your journey. Once again, an idiosyncrasy we learn to live with. So to fix such things, that are falling down around us, man has invented duct tape and bailing wire. Those two items will fix about 90% of all problems - temporarily. Nice thing about duct tape, it can be reapplied to further the life of the object, which would now be deemed 'unsafe', so we can continue to save our pennies for our next disposable purchase. That just gave me an idea! To preserve my 'priceless' t-shirt, a duct taped, horizontal stripe may be the solution!