Eat Your Heart Out

In case you didn't know, I'm married to a supermodel. I may be delusional, but I prefer it that way. Why does a pig play in the mud? He likes it! My wife came home the other day, with a rather amusing occurrence. She was at a used book store where a gentleman happened to take note of her eye catching beauty. He kept finding himself in the same aisle as she was before he finally burst with overwhelming adoration, and had to speak to her. He had to tell her how beautiful she was, and asked if she were married. Happy to say, she did not leave me for the total stranger, possible serial rapist. She informed the man of her marital status plus, the extra baggage that comes along with being married to me. He still wasn't convinced she was shooting him down like a SCUD missile, and had to get in one last compliment before going down in flames. I am surprised I have somehow attracted someone of the opposite sex, and miraculously convinced her to spend the rest of her natural life with me. Love is truly blind, but it must be somewhat deaf and dumb too. Of course, my wife has nothing to fear when it comes to women hitting on me. I am quickly approaching the age where 'age' is a huge factor. Unless they happen to be looking for a 'sugar daddy', which, my financial state would qualify me as just 'daddy' without all the calories. If I've ever been 'hit on' by a woman, I wasn't aware of it. Any subtle hints, less than disrobing in front of me, I'm not very in tune to. I usually attract dogs wanting to hump my leg, and gay men wanting to hump my leg. I don't care to swing that direction. So ALL the men out there looking at my wife, you have one admirable quality: good taste in women. This one has been off the department store shelf for awhile now, so, I feel your pain, but time to go find a doll of your own to play with.