What's in a Name

Have you always been satisfied with your name your parents gave you? Sometimes, it seems the parents didn't give much thought to picking a name for their children. I've often thought my first and last names don't really mesh. I have an Irish first name, and an Italian last name. With that combo, you could really get some killer heartburn. I wish my parents would have agreed on one nationality or the other. I'm obviously saddled with an Italian last name, so logically, an Italian first name would be appropriate. Nope, my mother insisted on a first name that isn't even translatable into Italian. In fact, there's not even a letter "K" in the Italian alphabet, so I can't even come close to an Italian name. And my last name contains the letter "Z". Try to find a good Irish first name that has a "Z" in it. If I were playing Scrabble, my word score would blow my opponents away! Some folks, I must say, are much worse off than myself. Their parents were either clueless to what can be construed as offensive, or they were just plain cruel to label their child with such a horrible burden. You know children can be rather ruthless when it comes to poking fun at each others' names. For instance, there's a young man in our neighborhood, whose first name is "Phenis". What in the world was in your crack pipe to want to name your child "Phenis"!? This kid is going to grow up, by far, the toughest kid in the neighborhood. And what about names that are phonetically stretched to the imagination? More vowels or syllables to a name do not make the child smarter or more popular, it just makes the parents look uneducated. It's alright if you want your child to be an individual, and not another face in the name pool, but please give it some thought (and not while you're on the toilet), before you hinder this innocent little person with a defect, such as a ridiculous name. If you have one of these names, I'm sorry. Just remember, you can rise above your parent's stupidity, and your name is what you make of it. For the record, Phenis seems to be a nice kid.