Dog Pile

Remembering playing that as a kid? This has nothing to do with the childhood memories that we fondly treasure. I'm talking about the dog! I am the not so proud owner of probably the stupidest canine alive. Somehow our paths crossed, I was coerced during a weak moment in my life, and ended up with a retarded pooping machine, wearing fur pants! Most dogs (in my experience), have a designated area they prefer to take care of their personal business, usually not in an area where they , or their humans congregate. Apparently, my dog, Cooper the Mighty Pooper, wasn't present when that memo was read. He pollutes the yard in places I wouldn't think are physically possible to do the business. Right at the very base of a tree, underneath the swing on the swing set. Was he climbing the tree and happen to lose control of his bowels? Was he laying on his stomach under the swing, and someone squeeze him like a tube of toothpaste? Last night, a few people were over, and our dog feels that visitors are present for his pleasure only. He will relentlessly pester you for attention until you leave. He is socially retarded, and the more we work with him, the more obnoxious he seems to get. Well, he dropped the mother lode last night, just a couple of feet from our patio, right in the pathway into the yard. He was being his usual self, so I get up to grab him and take him inside. You guessed it. I felt I was knee deep. This, of course , endears me to the dog even more. I guess I'm just relieved it was myself and not a guest. After owning this dog for a couple of years now, I'm sure ANY dog in the future will seem like a 'best of show' dog. I think if there were some type of scale, from 1 to 10, to measure a dog's overall performance, our piece of canine would be lingering around the -14 area. I guess I should look at the positives... wait a minute, I'm still thinking.