Sasquatch Sighting

Yesterday I thought I saw a Sasquatch in my house, then realized it was me walking in front of a mirror with my shirt off. It seems every year that goes by, I add another layer of insulation to my body. I know this is going to gross you all out, but roll with it. You're probably thinking right now, ' his poor wife'. Don't feel sorry for her yet. If I grew a ponytail, it would appear I was wearing a coonskin cap with a mink shawl, a squirrel belt, and a bearskin bib. I remember passing through the puberty years a little ahead of my fellow pubescent peers. I had sole bragging rights for a whole year because I had a mustache in the fifth grade. Soon after, I started my luscious garden of chest hair and wore it outside my shirt with great Italian pride. So by the time I finished my high school years, I was ready to shut down the hair factory. I was able to grow a beard within a week, which served my underage, illegal motives well. Once I became of age, I no longer needed the ever expanding help of hair follicles. But somewhere along the line, the production has picked up, and I can't find the button to shut it off. I've had to wage a battle with myself to keep from becoming an overgrown, hirsute, walking, patch of bramble. I fear birds and small animals will try to take up residence somewhere on my body. The one and only benefit I have been able to take advantage of is, I can usually withstand the cold much better than previous years. My wife derives benefits also. In bed, I cannot sleep with a shirt on. I've been this way since I was a kid. As an adult, I can hardly stand to have the covers over my shoulders. I feel as if I'm wearing a turtleneck to bed. I happen to be a good source of heat with the extra insulation (a little bit of whale blubber also), warming the bed in just a few short minutes after climbing in. She usually comes to bed later than myself, and her matrimonial bed warmer is working just fine. She crawls into bed with her 15 degrees below zero feet, popsicle fingers, and cold, wet, puppy dog nose, and is comfortable soon after. I'm still not dismissing the fact Sasquatch may be roaming around my house, but if you catch sight of, what appears to be him, check first to see if he's wearing glasses before you shoot. That would be me.