Up A Creek

Every once in awhile, you find yourself in a predicament, and not sure how you got there. Sometimes you may pick up on something you notice isn't quite right, change your course, and avert potential disaster. Other times, you walk blindly into the spider web and start doing the dance. Well, as humiliating as this is, I'm plunging into it. I needed to use the bathroom yesterday, for some R&R. There wasn't much time to kill, so I hastily entered, and assumed the position. As I merrily went about business, I knew I would have some time to kill. Being the multitasker that I usually am, I like to kill two birds with one stone. Sometimes I grab a magazine, the mail, or just read the back of the shampoo bottle. This particular trip, I forgot to bring my periodicals, and the bathroom contained no new reading material. So there I sat for a few moments pondering what I should consider to be my next blog entry, when I noticed a potential problem on the horizon. The roll of toilet paper was no longer a roll, but could be measured in sheets, two to be exact. I quickly panned the area for what could possibly double as toilet paper within arms reach. I felt a little like the lion who showed up a couple of hours late after the kill. There was nothing! Then the dread came over me. I thought, who would be so inconsiderate to leave only two sheets of TP, and not grab a second roll, and get him warming up in the bullpen? Then I reasoned, it could be my youngest, because she's too short to reach the cabinet where we keep the rolls. It could be my oldest, because she's a teenager and it's all about her. It could have been my wife in the middle of the night, who probably wanders the house in her sleep before returning to bed. Or, there's a remote chance, it could have been me, but I'm sure the bathroom was used prior to my inhabiting it. Regardless, I'm up the proverbial creek without a paddle. So now the challenge arises. Something has to be done. The cabinet is two steps away, and I have to be completely vertical to reach the much needed product. I'm not thrilled about what is going to soon take place, but it has to be done. Just the thought of the uncomfortable feeling of standing up was filling me full of dread. I thought for a moment, what would MacGuyver do? Oh, stop being a baby, and just do this! Well, after retrieving the TP, time to tidy things up. I was working out the worst case scenario, thinking clean up was going to be twice as much, and this may be a multiple flush incident. How do I go about this and keep clothes and appendages clean? OK, lean to the left 17 degrees, flex certain muscles, stabilize, bend at the elbow, start at the most northern point, and with one, non stop motion, wipe - DON'T LOOK - and drop. Repeat, then change sides. Finished, and I can now join the rest of mankind, and get on with life.