Humor For The Week

Got a cute joke this week forwarded in a newsletter - thought I would share a chuckle. A turtle is walking down the street, when suddenly, out of a dark alley, two snails jump him and beat him up. Moments later, when the police arrive, and are questioning the turtle in his shaken and rattled state, they ask, "Ok, tell us exactly what took place"? The turtle responded, "I don't know, it all happened so fast".

Mind Games

 I really appreciate the way my wife does her "honey do" list. She doesn't nag and she doesn't compile an actual list of things to do. I thinks she knows if she nags, I'll make life almost intolerable. Nagging is not really her style, anyway. If there's an actual list, I'll take sooo long to do it, I'll forget or lose the list (sometimes by accident), and she'll get sick and tired of telling me over and over, what's next. So her method is rather clever. She will actually start the project, and I'll come help once said project has commenced, then she'll leave me to finish. She realizes it pains me to see her use tools, or her version of tools (that will definitely be another happy hour discussion), either wrong or dangerously. So I'll jump in before she either hurts herself, or breaks whatever the project is, or breaks/loses the tool. All of this will eventually cost me money - trip to the hospital for stitches, buy material to fix the thing broken, or purchase lost tools. This is how I perceive what's going on concerning the "honey do" list. I probably have it all wrong, and she's used some kind of psychological mind control to make me think this way. It's not really for a man to figure out. Regardless, it works on me, I don't get upset, it usually doesn't cost me anything, and ultimately, I get the "honey do" list in her head complete. All is well, time to relax with a cold libation. But, as soon as I'm done with that, I need to go do .......

H2O

Summer time is well on its way, and that translates to playing in the water. Did you know though, that the human body needs 2.5 gallons of water a day, either through food or drink? Water is a valuable resource to all of us. The amount of water on the earth has not increased nor decreased throughout the history of the earth. The water we're drinking today has always been there, and could have been consumed by a prehistoric dinosaur at one time. It's estimated, the water we're using today has been recycled 7 to 10 times, depending on location. Try not to be too disgusted, you still have to take in 2.5 gallons today:) Instead of paying for water from the utilities to water our lawn and garden, we decided to get it for free. We found an online, do-it-yourself, plans to make a rain barrel. We had an old plastic barrel from a water softener, and reused that. We have $20 or less in converting it. It'll probably pay for itself by mid summer. Back to swimming though. There was a poll taken involving kids 6-12 years old. Only 17% of them admitted to ever peeing in a pool. I think that figure needs to be closer to 100%. And 75% of them thought that their public pool has never been peed in. Somebody needs to present these kids with the facts! On second thought, let them have their fun.

Let's Discuss Wine

Quite a few of you out there in cyberspace, know a lot more about wine than I do. But I purposely misspelled it to draw you in. I thought I would touch on the subject of "whining". We all do it to some extent. Some do it more than others, while a handful of us whine incessantly. Children are a good example of "whining". It's too hot, or it's to cold, or it's too long, or it's not long enough. "Do we have to leave now?", is one of my favorite "whines", because we're such horrible parents, we're cutting their fun short, even though everyone else is gone, and we're the last ones remaining! Conversely, when they're along with my wife and I, doing something we wanted to do, within 60 seconds they are asking "When are we going to leave. We've been here forever?". My #1, all time favorite whine is, "There's nothing to eat around here!". This unthankful cry for food usually comes after opening the refrigerator, and staring blankly at a wall of food for 5 minutes, that's ready to avalanche its way onto the kitchen floor. Then, they may walk to the pantry (we actually have 2 pantries containing invisible food), and rummage thru, moving box after box of cereal, that has been opened either for one initial bowl, or the prize contained inside, throwing aside half eaten bags of corn chips, boxes of granola bars, cans of soup, and every ingredient to make a batch of cookies (not to mention the cookies themselves), before their pitiful cry for sustenance. I think it's rather funny than irritating, that my children can't see the food we have, only the food we don't have. Apparently, if the grocery store has it, we should have it. I know when they're older, and living on their own, making their own money and decisions, all their stresses about food, the constant foraging, the never ending dissatisfaction of lack of variety, will all be a thing of the past..... until they have kids of their own:) Enough about "whine", let's talk it over with "wine".

No Poo

Have you heard of this "No Poo" movement? I know what your saying. But Kevin, My poo usually involves movement. Trust me, it's not the same. There is a group that claims if you stop using shampoo, the natural oils in your hair, over time, will soften and make your hair shiny. It claims that shampoo is harmful to you and the environment. I'm not really taking issue with that, but I do think you need to wash your hair with something other than baking soda and apple cider vinegar. The vinegar thing really throws me. If I add vinegar to oily hair, don't I have salad dressing? I think we're getting into the next generation of politically correct tree huggers. They need a new bandwagon or distraction from reality. I don't mind hippies at all, in fact, I have tendencies myself. I think we might be experiencing people who are so lazy, they can't even make the effort to lift their hands to their head, and scrub in some type of cleanser (whether it be natural or store bought), and rinse. The effort required would sap their energy to mislead the masses over something so ridiculous as boycotting shampoo. So next time you're at a concert, don't be surprised if the smell of vinegar overpowers the smell of marijuana. By the way, the "No Poo" thing is over. Now it's "No Toilet Paper". After #2 happens, let the protective crust harden, and it will chip right off a day or two later! Party on, poo heads!

Time For A Change

They say, "change is good". I try to agree with this age old adage, but sometimes "change" is hard. I would agree, it's probably beneficial to listen to your mother, and change your underwear before venturing out. But, it's extremely difficult to change a habit. I've heard it said that it takes 21 days to form a habit and 30 days to break a habit. I realize some habits have a greater degree of difficulty, because there is an actual physical change that takes place in the brain. An example would be breaking a habit of violence. Other habits, like biting your fingernails, probably don't require as much effort. Not too terribly long ago, my wife rearranged a few things in the kitchen. Since she is the culinary engineer in the household, she has the authority to carry out such duties. She's conducted time and efficiency studies to make the necessary improvements. There wasn't anything drastic (our kitchen isn't big enough for "drastic"), but just a few minor changes. She used to keep tea bags in a pantry cabinet next to the stove. Tea bags were in this location for quite some time. She has relocated them to a wire basket that hangs from a cabinet on the opposite side from where they used to be. Well I had formed the "habit" of looking in the pantry cabinet for tea bags, because I like to drink iced tea year around, and we always have some on hand. I haven't kicked the "habit" of looking for tea bags in that cabinet though. Instead, I've now formed the new "habit" of opening the pantry cabinet and immediately realizing I'm looking in the wrong place. I'm sure, once I break this frustrating habit, the tea bags will find a new location to reside. We're all about saving time and being more efficient at our house:)

Maximum Capacity

Does this blog make me look fat? Here I sit, turning into a lump of playdoh, typing , when I should be moving around. About 8 weeks ago, I put myself on a diet. A mild form of Adkins. I was about 194 lbs., my goal was to break the 185 lb. mark. I was very disciplined, and in 2 1/2 - 3 weeks, I bottomed out at 181 lbs. Since then, I've already gained back 5 lbs. The last few years my weight has fluctuated in 10 - 15 lb. swings at a time. Once I hit the age of 36, my metabolism changed. Since then, it's been a seesaw, a roller coaster, a pendulum, what other descriptive phrases can I come up with? Like an annoying friend who tells you the ending to the movie, ten minutes into it. Well, I may have to take drastic measures and do those two, dirty, 4 letter words, EXER & CISE! Yelling at the kids and throwing things at the dog, just aren't producing the results (in more ways than one) that I wanted. I should probably monitor what I eat a little closer too. I should force myself to eat with chop sticks. Since I don't know how, there may be some weight loss benefits. I wonder if that friend of mine (from the previous blog) has a few drops of urine to spare? Regardless, I have very flimsy excuses. There is a walking trail right outside of my back yard. All I have to do is dodge the land mines the dog leaves behind, open the gate (which I fixed, so that's not an excuse anymore), walk about 30 more feet, and I'm on the Field Club trail. It's 1.6 miles long, and I live near the south end, so round trip is 3 miles - perfect! So the 20 minutes I've been sitting here, I could be well on my way back by now. Certainly, I must have burned a few calories typing? I know I got my heart rate up when I mentioned the dog. I am overdue for a haircut, that has to be at least 3 - 4 lbs. right?