The "Matriarch"

Went camping over the weekend. The place we went, also has a beach with swimming. This spot is usually a big hit with the kids. It just so happened we were the first ones on the beach this morning, so we got the choicest spot. Now when you're on the beach, it's fun to people watch. I realize that everyone else has just as much right to be there as I do, but I think they should monitor what some folks wear to the beach. First thing that happened, a rather large kid, probably 13 years old, who was camping near us, him and his family (probably 20 people), arrived within 2 minutes of us. He was the first to dash toward the lake. Even though the temperature was warm, the water was still a little frigid. Well he ran into the water, shirt still on thankfully, and dove in. He came up out of the water resembling a small killer whale, and letting out a huge scream I'm sure could be heard throughout the park. A few younger siblings followed and mimicked the same pattern, pretty much insuring any fish and wildlife in the lake, took shelter on the opposite side. Within the next 60 seconds, this same land whale yells to his younger protege that he left his cell phone in his pocket and now it's ruined. So he whined about that for a few more minutes until, I believe it to be his grandmother, arrived on the beach. She happened to be surrounded by her version of the paparazzi, with multiple children in diapers, in tow. She secured her 10x10 area with half a dozen beach towels and an umbrella. Please keep in mind, this was no small woman, and not your ordinary entrance to a public area. Her voice was so loud, she could have used a bullhorn and saved herself "long distance" charges. After barking orders to several children, by using their first and middle names so they knew she meant business, she was able to land her craft in the middle of her blanketed area. Now for the good part, she unrobed down to the bathing suit. There was so much spillage, it made the Exon Valdez look like a fly turd. All I want to know is, where's the fashion police, or even the local police, when you need them? Then she proceeded to yell from 40 feet away, at adults, children, grandchildren, and probably a few people not even associated with her group! I'm just in awe of people who are morbidly obese, and feel they need show as much of it as possible, and then announce it to the world. No need to announce, we can see for ourselves! It wasn't quite the relaxing day at the beach I had hoped for, but it gave me fodder for a blog entry. So as we're packing up our things, I hear one of the posse say, " I don't think that BLT agreed with my baby". The matriarch yelled, "Did he s@#t in the water?". Then they all just laughed. At any moment, I was expecting someone to come out from hiding and tell me I was on Candid Camera or something. Unfortunately, they never did.