Shaving

I'm going to be upfront - I hate shaving! But I'm in a bit of a quandary, because I can't stand having a beard either. After 3 or 4 days, I feel like I need a flea dip. Camping for 4 days made me and sasquatch look like we may have had the same mother. Boy, that first shower after getting home from camping sure feels good. I had developed a protective crust over my body. Now, our shower head has multiple settings, so I found the one that works like a Water Pik works for your teeth, and turned it on full throttle, and held on! That things blasts through concrete body funk, into orifices not easily reached. I think that word, 'orifice', is a funny word. What do you think of when you hear the word, 'orifice'? Back to shaving. Shaving was torture in its most heinous form. I always start with my neck. Mind you, I put a brand new razor in with the 3 blades and the blue comfort strip. Comfort strip my @$#! I now know what skinning a grizzly feels like! As I'm sawing through my beard, it sounded just like that. A hand saw cutting through wood! By the time I was finished with my neck, the brand new blade was screaming for mercy and so was I! Well, I plowed through and completed the the whole nightmarish ordeal. Afterward, I noticed that I got a little bit of sunshine while being outdoors for the majority of 4 days, and had my farmer tan working for me. Except the area I just shaved. Yup, albino white. Get me a pair of floppy clown shoes, I'm off to join the circus.